she was so not down for the gang bang
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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