he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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