So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
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