I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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