ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
