So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
