You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
