I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
