you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
