You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
