last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize