Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
