his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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