There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
