checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
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