i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
