You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
