he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
