at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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