she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
