i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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