The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
