Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I cut my penus on the lid.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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