so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize