I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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