Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
