I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
