all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
