you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
