so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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