apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i think my mom watched the whole time
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
