I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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