When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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