just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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