He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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