Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
