is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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