if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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