you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
