You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
