So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
