I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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