I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
