The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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