your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
