the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
