I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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