Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
