respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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