I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
