im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
