i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the condom got lost in my hair
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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