Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
