awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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