Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
