SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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