does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
