Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
