In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
