easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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