Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
