Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Randomize
