he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
ok first of all what the fuck
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
