Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
