I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
please don't ironically join a cult
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