3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
